A Reflector's Ideal Community

Feeling misunderstood and out of place are two of the most common sentiments I hear from my fellow Reflectors. I know why this happens and yet it still hurts to see the pain and disappointment as they share stories of pressure to be a certain way and of unreciprocated relationships.

When the role of your type is to see people for who they are and help them calibrate to their truest selves, it seems like all the attention is focused on everyone else.

So, whose job is it to love and care for the Reflectors of the world? The short answer is…it's yours.

But before you throw your hands up in frustration, let me explain why this is actually a really empowering place to be.

Something peculiar happens when we discover Human Design and see which type we belong to. Our inclination is to find others of the same type and discover everything we have in common with one another. So far, nothing wrong with this. However, there comes a time when each of us must step back and look at Human Design as the ecosystem it truly is, to figure out how we can thrive not just amongst our own type, but within the whole mix of types.

The world needs every Human Design type to show up as they were intended to, even if it feels a little scratchy at first. It can be oh so tempting to hang out exclusively with Reflectors who get what it's like to be the 1% but what about the others in your life who are important to you? This is where the true Reflector magic gets to shine.

Below is a strategy I like to use to build a Reflector-friendly community for myself. I've numbered them because the steps to get there will produce the best possible outcome if you go in order. One thing to mention here is that you don't need to know anyone else's Human Design for this to work, and they don't need to know you're a Reflector either. That's what's so empowering about it!

1. Become aware (but non-judgmental) of how you feel around others: So much of living your design is dependent on having awareness of the feelings in your body. Remember, we're conditioned to use our logical minds to make decisions but your body always knows best! This preliminary step aims to help you understand how you feel around certain people or groups. It's an information-gathering stage that will get you more in tune with your unique sensitivities to others individually, in groups, and in various settings. For example, I've found that an office environment causes me to be much more sensitive to the energies around me, resulting in fatigue. Working online, however, gives me the physical distance to connect with people in a much more supportive way.                                                                                                                         
2. Hand-pick your crew: No one gets full control over who they're around every day. There will be times when you need to work closely with a colleague who rubs you the wrong way or sit down for dinner with an over-bearing family member. Instead of thinking who you'd like to get rid of (ouch!), try emphasizing who you'd like to spend more time with. Adding instead of subtracting is the same strategy that can promote making healthier food choices simply by increasing the amount of fruit, veggies, and other good for you foods. Cutting people out of your life can be very stressful and full of confrontations. Why not choose to increase the time you spend with those who make you feel good instead?
   
   A note on "community": If you're looking around wondering how you're going to make new friends in your neighbourhood, I've got some good news. Your crew of Reflector-supportive people doesn't have to live in a 5-block radius. They can be friends halfway around the world who you chat with via Zoom. Some of my dearest and most trusted crew members are people I've never actually met in real life!
   
   The sky is the limit when it comes to surrounding yourself with a great community. I even include authors, positive role models, and podcast hosts I haven't had a single conversation with as part of my extended crew. Without even knowing it, their messaging and mission aligns with my own journey, and I'll consume their content over random online influences any day. If you choose to be on social media, make sure your feed is full of contributors that lift you up.                                                                                                                                                            
3. Ask for support: I'm often surprised when chatting with Reflectors who feel alone or left out but have never shared these feelings with their trusted loved ones. Chalk it up to our ability to be preoccupied with the well-being of others but your feelings matter and are always valid. Even if you can't fully articulate the uncomfortable feelings, letting a friend know you're having an "off" day opens the door for you to start expressing what's going on and what (if anything) could make it better. Reflectors may be geniuses at reading the energy of everyone else but that isn't true of the other 99%, so it's ok to state the obvious if your friend hasn't caught onto your salty mood.                                                                                                                                                                                                    
4. Modify as necessary: For Reflectors, change is the only constant in our lives, which means you'll need a different community for the various times in your life. No single person can be everything to you, all the time. Such a person just doesn't exist, so let's not put that pressure or expectation on them. Friendships and relationships tend to fall into one of three categories, with people coming into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Even within those groupings there will be variations in how that relationship grows and evolves. Expecting others to be static is somewhat ironic, considering how fluid and changing Reflectors are by nature. Bring your compassion and allow your loved ones to grow, even if it means they don't fit into your crew anymore.                                                                                                                         
5. Repeat: Of all the Human Design types, Reflector interests shift most dramatically, which means you may need to revisit how you feel around people somewhat frequently.

Check in with yourself right now. On a scale of 1-10, how solid is your support system?

If you're searching for people who get you and will honour your design, I encourage you to explore the upcoming Human Design Conference. I've been to countless conferences in my life and never have I experienced the level of care, curiosity, and awareness than when I showed up at this conference as the sole Reflector of the group. The 2024 Human Design Conference promises to be even better than the last, and I'll be a featured speaker again this year! Join us to see what's possible when all types show up by their design.