Being a Reflector in the Real World

I don't know about you but when I discovered Human Design and dug a bit into my chart, the next step was to look up the charts for everyone in my life. It was fascinating to see the different types show up and in some cases they matched exactly to how the person was living.

But when it came to being a Reflector and figuring out how to "do" that in real life, I was left scratching my head. It's all fun and games to joke about waiting 28 days but when my boss asks which projects I want to start working on next week I can't exactly say "Ask me in 28 days". 

We Reflectors are designed differently than 99% of the population, so basically everything that's been put in place by non-Reflectors is going to need some navigating if we're to show up and shine authentically. 

I'm going to share some ways that I've personally re-jigged my life to become more like my Reflector self. My hope is that you'll see these as examples and not hard and fast rules for "being" a Reflector. See if any of them resonate with you and when you're ready, start taking the steps you feel comfortable with to honor your design, and let go of what doesn't serve you.

Let's Start with Work

For more than a decade I diligently woke up before 6am, grabbed my breakfast and lunch (prepared the night before), hit the gym, worked at an office for 8 hours, then returned home absolutely exhausted and feeling strung out from being on the go all day. Looking back, I'd been conditioned by my parents to be very disciplined and structured  with how my days were planned, but that was coming from their designs, not mine. And it was driving me into the ground. 

When the pandemic hit, my entire office was sent home and for 2 years I didn't set foot back in the office. While the world was dealing with enormous stress, uncertainty, and grief, I felt...absolutely free. No longer tied down with a schedule that was imposed on me, I woke up when I felt like it, went for a walk outside instead of hitting the gym, worked remotely with flexible hours, and happily packed away all my business attire and shoved it in the basement. 

It was the change I needed to try a different way of doing things. And now I know I could never go back to the way things were before. 

I started my own business (3 of them, actually) and changed my traditional job into something that gives me time and creative flexibility. 

Most Reflectors are in jobs or work environments that are way too rigid or require extensive specialization. Both of which completely hamper our gifts. The traditional 20-30 year career in the same field the whole time? Not for us!

If you find yourself feeling like the line of work you're in doesn't fit with who you are, and you're willing to ask some uncomfortable questions, here's where to start.

• What do I like doing now? Not when I was little, not "what did I go to school for", but what lights me up now. This is probably going to be more than one thing.
• What working environment feels right for me? Reflectors have inconsistent energy, so long grueling hours in a corporate office 5 days a week likely isn't ideal.
• What kind of boss/leader would I enjoy working with? The answer might be "none", and that's ok.
• How do I feel about having several jobs/business ventures at the same time versus one income source? 

I like to think of work as a buffet instead of a set menu. By having a few different businesses on the go, I can always tap into what I need at that time. 

If you're serious about making a change, be sure to give yourself at least a month to ponder some of these questions before taking action. 

How About Relationships

Being the chameleons of Human Design, we adapt and flow with our personalities, interests, and behaviors. Nothing wrong with that! Except that when we meet new people or begin a relationship, it's in our design to be influenced by them and it can leave us feeling like we have multiple personalities. 

When I was younger and on the dating scene, my taste in music, hobbies, and even my demeanor would change according to who I spent time with. My sister once told me she could tell I was dating someone new based on the music I listened to. At the time I felt like a total flake because everyone else had such distinct preferences and I was so easily influenced but now it makes perfect sense. 

There's a fine line between knowing who you are and full-on resistance to outside influence. It's our job as Reflectors to balance somewhere in the middle because we actually need to feel those things from other people to gain insights about them. 

On one of the first few dates with my (now) Husband, he showed me a list of the qualities he was looking for in a partner. That blew my mind! I'd never considered such a list because it felt too restrictive. The downside here was that I just floated from relationship to relationship without accounting for who I was as a person and what I needed in a partner to feel loved and supported. 

As a way to balance things out, I created a list that was shorter than his but had some key qualities that were non-negotiable. I didn't need to include things like, "must love music" because I knew that I could be fluid with the hobbies and interests we pursued together, however having a "growth mindset" was a must. I didn't want to fall into a relationship with someone who wasn't open to personal development, since that would likely close off those aspects in me along the way. 

If you're finding that you get a bit lost in relationships, whether they're romantic, friendships, or even family dynamics, a "Who am I?" list could help set some boundaries and get you on a more aligned track. Here are some things to consider:

• Do you want to settle down in one location or do you prefer to move around?
• How much time do you honestly like to spend with people? Reflectors need time and space to release the energy we pick up from others, so having really clingy friends or a partner who wants to be by your side 24/7 might feel exhausting. 
• How well do your relationships support you? We're the 1% that's different from everyone else and it can feel scary to ask for the support you need. But you have just as much right as everyone else to make your needs know. 
• What are my core values? You can also look at your Human Design chart and capture some of the prominent aspects like your profile (the two numbers i.e.6/2) and your incarnation cross. 

So what about big decisions in relationships, like if your partner proposes? These are things you need to think through well before they happen. It's almost like you need to spoil the surprise by feeling out what it would be like to marry that person. As soon as my Husband and I got serious, which was honestly about the first week of dating, I knew he was the partner I wanted to be with forever. So each day I'd check in and see what that might feel like. Then when he actually did propose, it was an easy yes. 

Surprise may be the sign that a Reflector is living their design but it's not "surprise" as in springing a huge decision on us. If a big decision point comes your way, you have every right to ask for time to think it through. If they push you for a quick response, maybe they need a refresher on your design!

Hobbies, Vacations, and Other Fun Stuff

If I had to capture a Reflector's nature in 2 words, they would be: consistently inconsistent. 

You might love playing piano this week and not touch it for 2 years. The adventure vacation in your 20s was a blast but you wouldn't stray from a resort these days. Jam-packed weekend visiting friends last week, total solitude this weekend.

One of the biggest game-changers for me personally was releasing the need to be consistent. I know, I know! We are bombarded with messaging that says we need to commit to one line of work, decide whether or not to have kids, and decide what our life-long goals will be...all while we're still in high school!

But not Reflectors. 

This is the area of life I've had the most fun playing around with and I think it's because it feels safer than testing these out on a job or relationship. The stakes are generally low, since not much will happen if you decide to stop reading the sci-fi novels you once loved. 

Hobbies, interests, and things like vacations are here to add joy and flare to life, not make you feel guilty for giving up halfway through. Here are a few ways I've leaned into my Reflector self to elevate these areas of my life, rather than let them weigh me down:

• Vacation/travel: I don't care where we go as long as we stay at one hotel/location for at least 3 days at a time. I cannot handle bouncing around day to day and need a consistent home base. Excursion days must be buffered by at least one full day where there are zero plans for me. 
• Hobbies: I'll try anything that grabs my interest as long as there's not an investment required, and I have no expectations about how long I'll be interested in it. Puzzles, crosswords, and sudoku were on every table in my house over the winter. They're now stored away...maybe forever, who knows. When I decided to buy a Peloton bike, I noodled over that decision for almost 6 weeks just to be sure, and it's been used consistently ever since.
• Weekend plans: I know who the most important people are in my life and they get first priority when I'm planning my weekend. But I operate on a one on, one off schedule so no matter what I do this weekend, I know I've got a blank slate next weekend. Some people don't like this, and that's ok. I'd rather ruffle a few feathers than show up cranky and disengaged. 
• Big events: If I commit to going, it comes with the caveat that I can leave at any time. Sometimes this looks like me actually leaving and going home but more often I'll just step outside for fresh air or even hide in the restroom for 10 minutes to re-calibrate. 

If you've ever felt like you let people down because of your inconsistency, I invite you to use the phrase "It's safe for me to change my mind" as a way to give yourself permission to flow through interests without needing to commit. 

Being a Reflector in the "real world" can seem daunting when you compare how we're designed to how society has structured things. Remember that you are here to show the collective how its doing, and that sometimes means pointing things out (like rigid work regimes) and highlighting the need for change. 

Practice makes progress.