Being A Reflector Is Tough Sometimes

Human Design uses words like "disappointment" to describe when Reflectors are veering off course but let me tell you the feelings I've felt in the last day alone:

• Anger
• Frustration
• Bitterness
• Worry
• Anxiety
• Joy
• Sadness
• Wonder
• Disappointment
• Gratitude

Half of these are the not-self theme feelings for every single HD type and the others are my own brand of personal struggle. They came on quickly and I was itching to get rid of them even though I know better than to try.

Being a Reflector is tough sometimes.

One thing I tried really hard to do when I learned I'm a Reflector was to pinpoint where every single feeling or emotion was coming from as I experienced it. I wanted to know if it was mine or if I picked it up from a friend, social media post, or Netflix. It was exhausting.

It's true that Reflectors will pick up on and can even hold onto energy, emotions, and behaviours of others but that's also just part of being human. We're empathetic because as social creatures we care about how others in our circle are doing and don't like when they experience pain. The same happens when there's a lot of joy and excitement in the air, and it's the reason we celebrate with people we care about- so they can get a piece of the happiness too.

Knowing you're a Reflector comes with a certain amount of baggage.

Can you imagine telling a child they're different than 99% of all the other children and expecting them to fit in with their peers? At least as an adult we can grasp the ways we're unique and have the capacity to decide how we'll shape the story moving forward. I like to put a positive spin on all the cool things that come with being a Reflector, especially since the good far outweighs the bad, but I won't shy away from addressing the challenges.

When I'm asked what Reflectors should focus on when they're just getting started on their journey, my go-to advice is to begin with how you make decisions. It's such a fundamental part of everyday life and since we do it so differently, it's worth the time to fully understand what works for you and what doesn't.

If there's one thing I would suggest leaving behind when you discover you're a Reflector it would be this:

 
Don't waste your time trying to decipher where every feeling, emotion, and charge of energy comes from. There's no finish line and unless you're consistently experiencing one feeling intensely, they usually move on before you figure it out anyway.

When I fluctuated between each feeling in the laundry list above I also had an overarching sense of confusion because I had no idea why they were coming up. It is very uncomfortable to sit with a feeling and not try to fix it but without a specific reason (ie. Sadness because of a breakup) it's nearly impossible to "logic" your way out of feeling something.

So, what's a Reflector to do?

Practice getting comfortable with uncomfortable feelings.

Making extra space in your life for the energy, emotions, and feelings you experience probably isn't what you bargained for when you discovered this whole Human Design thing. But I promise it will be worth it.

One of my favourite phrases is, "If you don't know where you're going, stop running", and I find it super helpful when I'm feeling something I'd rather not be. Maybe it'll help you too. I take this phrase both literally and figuratively.

If you're anything like me, you've probably tried to change your state by:

• Escaping via Netflix
• Finding something to snack on
• Taking on a new project
• Making a purchase or impulsive decision

Those are all examples of trying to run away from unwanted feelings, emotions, or energy. It's a band aid solution to shift attention away from the not-so-pleasant experience but it doesn't help you navigate these situations in a constructive way. The only way to do it is to face it head on. No running.

It's ok to sit still and be sad or pace around with agitation. Hell, I've even sat on the couch with my hands trapped under my legs so I wouldn't be tempted to grab the remote or a bag of chips. And you know what? The discomfort didn't last forever! In fact, the less I struggled against it the easier it was to get out.

Like I said, being a Reflector is tough sometimes.

My hope is that sharing all sides of the Reflector experience will help other Reflectors with their own journeys. If there's a topic you'd like to hear about, send your ideas to [email protected]