Navigating Relationships For Reflectors

When it comes to Human Design, the best part is knowing the ins and outs of your own chart. The second best part is when you realize how much potential Human Design has to improve your relationships!

Whether it's a romantic partnership, best friendship, or even strengthening bonds with your family members, there are a few things you need to know before you go all Human Design crazy on everyone in your life.

All Human Design Types are Awesome

Human Design is an ecosystem, not a ranking system. I may be a little biased as a Reflector, but as much as I enjoy being 1% of the population, I have to acknowledge that all types are valuable and needed. With that said, I often hear folks asking which types pair best with Reflectors, and I have to break the news that there's no such thing as a good or bad match when we're talking about pairing your design with someone else's. It is entirely possible for each of the five Human Design types to have beautiful relationships with anyone, and I would hesitate to take advice from anyone who says otherwise.

Your values, and the individual you choose to have a relationship with are way more important than any Human Design characteristics. For example, if one person wants children and the other has chosen to remain childless, no combination of designs is going to make that work.

Too often I hear Reflectors asking about how to thrive in relationships but what they really want is to know how to change the other person to make them more caring or to be more understanding of the Reflector.

Here's the big secret: You can't change someone else. And you never need to. When you focus on what another person is doing wrong, you're giving away all your power. By taking a look in the mirror and seeing how you can show up in a more understanding and compassionate way, you lead by example.

Know Yourself First

Showing up as your best and most real self is the number one way to thrive in a relationship. When you really know who you are, and you express that through your words and actions, there's less room for misinterpretation.

Things get dicey when someone in the relationship hides part of themselves, and the opposite is also true. Since Reflectors are adaptable and are designed to change often, it's natural that you'll take on some of the interests and qualities of your friend or partner. But the challenge comes when you hold onto those aspects as if they belong to you. In any relationship people want to get to know one another by sharing their hobbies and passions. That part isn't exclusive to Reflectors. Where you may veer off track is changing to be more like your friend or partner and then expecting them to like that version of you better than the original.

Check in with your own values so you can feel more confident advocating for them and expressing them. My highest values are Growth, Freedom, and Impact. These resonate with me on a deep level, no matter which gate the Moon is moving through. To be fulfilled in my relationships, I first have to hold space for ways that help me live these values before I can consider supporting someone else.

Sounds selfish, doesn't it? Maybe it is but without a firm grasp on the real me, how can I possibly know what I bring to the table and what I need to live in alignment? The same is true for you and the important people in your life. Figure yourself out first or you risk chasing relationships that look enticing but fall flat in the fulfillment department. 

Growth and Change Happen

It can catch people off guard when they enter a relationship but feel like they don't even know the person six months later. Who you are right now is not who you'll necessarily be next year, and holding onto a version of yourself that doesn't authentically exist can make life unbearably painful. No one expects children to stay the same for long, so why would anyone think adults must remain static?

This part ties in with expressing your true self, since sharing your thoughts and dreams help keep others in the loop of understanding who you are. In any relationship, the goal is to grow and evolve with the other person. Even if it means letting go of a past version that seemed pretty awesome.

Everyone changes at different rates, so while you may be 100% all in with your own Human Design, there's a chance those around you aren't quite there yet. Here's what I've found to be most useful. Do not expect others to know or care about their Human Design, and please do your best not to bully them into adopting this modality.

It's great to know how your partner should make decisions, so how about instead of forcing it on them, why not honour it in your own way? They don't even need to know you're using Human Design! 

Here are a few examples:

For Generators and Manifesting Generators: Present questions and options in a way that allows them to respond. Skip the "Where should we go for dinner?" question and opt for listing the options one by one until you get a YES!

For Manifestors: Allow them to hold their ideas as long as they need to before they're ready to share with you. Try phrases like "When you're ready, I'd love to hear what your next project is going to be." and leave it at that. Show that you're supportive of them taking their time and will be ready to cheer them on when the time is right.

For Projectors: Be very clear when you want their input and be prepared to put it into action. If you're not interested in their latest obsession, do NOT ask about it. Conversely, if a Projector begins sharing their wisdom with you and you're not in the headspace to receive it, let them know. This is a personal fave of mine, being married to a Projector! Try this, "I need to clear my mind a bit before hearing about X, but as soon as I'm ready I'll come ask you about it."

For other Reflectors: Despite our type being the unicorns of Human Design, we are also individually very different. The way you process decisions through your lunar cycle may look different than how another Reflector does it, so use your curiosity to see what works for them.

Curious about how to use your Human Design to cultivate incredible relationships? You'll want to pick up a copy of my new book, Reflector Reframe, which is now available. Click here for links to order your copy and get a special bonus.