Navigating The Holidays As A Reflector

It comes around every year and while we see images of happy, embracing families all over our screens, the holidays can feel quite the opposite for Reflectors.

One of my favourite things about Human Design is that it equips us with tools to navigate our experiences based on what's most aligned for each of us, individually. For Reflectors, having all our centres open is a blessing and a curse because of how inconsistently we experience things. It's like a jack-in-the-box winding up every time you get together with a new group of people, and when that box flies open it can feel really tough to navigate the situation on the fly.

To support my fellow Reflectors throughout this holiday season, and for any season that involves a lot of gatherings with family members, I'm sharing a few things to be mindful of and some of my tried and true tactics for staying in alignment even in emotionally charged situations.

Create Your Desired Outcome

Some people love the chaos of the holidays and feel like it adds to the whole experience. Others dread the shopping and packed parking lots. To have an enjoyable holiday, you first have to know what enjoyable looks like and feels like for you. Taking some time to envision how you'd like your holidays to play out gives you a desired outcome that you can curate intentionally, rather than letting things happen.

As a reminder, for Reflectors we're meant to be open to new experiences and basically going with the flow instead of attaching ourselves to an outcome. When I suggest creating your desired outcome, it's to give you a picture, a feeling, a sense of what you actually would like to experience. I'm not expecting you to have some rigid expectation that must play out in a specific way. Nope. How things happen can always be part of the ongoing Reflector experience but there's nothing in Human Design that says Reflectors aren't allowed to be intentional about what they want in life.

Be Selective About What You Say Yes To

This decision doesn't need to take a lunar cycle, just a little advanced planning. You know that invitations are coming for work holiday parties, family dinners, and get togethers with friends. Figuring out which of these you actually want to go to will make it so much easier for you to strategize how to kindly say no to the ones you'd like to opt out of. For me, my family plans waaay in advance so I know which days our big celebrations will be months in advance and they get first priority in my calendar. But this isn't just a time management exercise. As a Reflector you want to make sure that you're spending quality time with people who are important to you so you can soak up the good vibes.

Anytime families get together there's potential for drama. If yours likes to get into dicey topic areas, bringing up unpleasant memories from the past, or anything else that makes you lose your cool, this is the time to be very intentional about how much time you'll spend with them. There's nothing festive about being shamed or talked down to by someone in your life, and there's no rule saying you need to hang around to take it. More on that later!

Make Rest A Must

Ok, there's so much out there telling Reflectors to rest and recuperate it's almost redundant to even mention it but I have to. When I say to make rest a must it's not necessarily about sleeping. I also mean getting breaks from other people's energy so you don't crash midway through your holiday party. Tapping into how your body feels before you walk into a room with other people will tell you a lot about how far your energy will go.

A quick mindfulness moment in your car or in your room before entertaining helps ground you and regulate your body. This is your blank slate and when it comes time to start mingling with others you'll be in a better position to notice if you feel sluggish, hyped up, or off-put. Even if you're the one hosting the event, you can take a break from certain people by sitting next to someone supportive who feels easy to spend time with.

My go-to move at family events is to take many bathroom breaks. It's not uncommon for me to sneak away to the bathroom ten times throughout the evening just to breathe, run my hands under cool water, and regroup. I take that time to strategize my next steps so that when I re-enter the gathering I'm present and in a calm state of mind. 

Use Your Boundaries

I can't tell you how many times I hear from Reflectors who say they "have to" visit so-and-so or can't get out of hosting when they hate it. Now, I totally get that we don't want to be confrontational or cause tension in our families but there has to be a limit. One of the most exciting things for me as a child was dreaming of the days when I would get to make my own decisions and do whatever I wanted to. Yet somehow I always found myself getting sucked into doing what everyone else wanted me to do and it made me miserable. That's why it's important to remember that you are a grown up and you can set boundaries of what you are and aren't willing to do.

 
Here's the thing. If everyone feels they're entitled to make demands of you and your time, why shouldn't you be given that same entitlement? If you're a recovering people-pleaser like I am, you can start small. One thing I started doing was saying no to sleeping overnight at my parents' house during the holidays even though the rest of the family all stays there. I need my own space so my husband and I either get a beautiful hotel room or AirBnB nearby. Having that breathing room lets me enjoy the company of my family while knowing I can recharge in a comfortable setting afterwards.

 
Maybe you want to have Christmas morning dedicated for your immediate family, without feeling obligated to share it with anyone else. Letting the affected people know well in advance is a great way to enforce your boundaries and give others a chance to find something else to do.

Holidays are about celebrating events, experiences, and people in our lives. If this season gives you stress or anxiety, you're not alone. My hope in sharing these tips for Reflectors is to help you create something that brings you joy in a way that feels aligned for you. Please remember that you know yourself better than anyone else and you'll be able to tell when things are a good fit or not. Part of being the 1% means that we'll benefit from some out of the box thinking to navigate situations that other types breeze through. If you have any other suggestions, I'd love to hear them!