The Reflector Theme of Surprise

Recently I received a question from a Reflector who was trying to live in our signature sign of alignment, "Surprise", but was having some challenges. Their desire to spend more time experiencing surprise reminded me that there are a lot of misconceptions when it comes to this aligned state. In this post I'm addressing 4 of them, with the hope that you get more surprise flowing into your life.

Human Design can be pretty abstract in its concepts and descriptions, and even more so when it comes to information about Reflectors. Each HD type has their own unique sign that acts as a notification, letting you know you're either moving in the direction of alignment or heading the wrong way. For Reflectors, we are treated to something called surprise when we're authentically living by our design.

To be clear, the term "surprise" is much more about wonderment or amazement than it is actual surprise. I think of it as childlike wonder, personally. It's that feeling you get when your curiosity gets piqued or something odd causes you to pause for a few minutes because you're so captivated by it. On the other hand, the sign that we're moving farther away from being our design is called "disappointment", and let me tell you, it is like a heavy, dark cloud. Not fun at all!

Ok, so what's a Reflector to do if they want to experience the glorious feeling of surprise? And maybe more importantly, what should Reflectors avoid doing? Read on to get the real scoop.

Surprise isn't something to work towards:
Similar to your life's purpose, the harder you work on living in surprise, the less likely you are to actually get it. That's because surprise isn't a goal in and of itself. You don't wake up saying, "Ok, today I'm going to only experience surprise!". The sign of surprise is actually a positive side effect you get from living by your design. If there's something to aim for here, it's using your strategy and authority to make decisions. When you honour that unique aspect of yourself, you get these little sprinkles of surprise showing up in random places. Surprise is a notification, not an achievement.

Let go of expectations:
There's a lot of chatter about how Reflectors need to live in the now to experience surprise, but that's only half the story. The real reason Reflectors benefit from living in the now is because it shows us really cool opportunities we may not have otherwise encountered. If there was ever a single way to guarantee you never experience surprise, it would be by expecting a specific outcome. For all Human Design types, attaching an expected feeling to any action and not getting it will result in the not-self theme.

For example, if you plan a gathering of your close friends and you expect everything to flow perfectly, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. One of your friends inevitably will forget to bring the appetizer they promised to bring, another will show up with their dog even though you said no pets allowed, and you probably won't time things correctly so dinner will be late. What if instead of envisioning and trying to control how your gathering will go, you plan it with the sole intention of bringing together the people you care about. Even if just one person shows up, maybe that's the exact person you were meant to have a deep conversation with to help them through a tough time. That's when you'll feel surprise- in those moments you couldn't have planned if you tried.

Be mindful of your identity:
But I'm a planner, how can I live in surprise? Two things here. The first is that no one lives in a constant state of surprise. As I mentioned before, it's a notification or a positive side effect of living by your design. And secondly, any time you use an "I am" statement you should do so with intention. Personally, I used to be such a planner and anything I couldn't plan out made me feel very anxious. This, of course, is just a form of trying to control outcomes. Consider planning a vacation. Of course you need to book your flight and reserve your spot at a hotel. Nothing in Human Design says otherwise. But if you identify as a planner, then what you're saying is you need to control every step along the way, and that's really your ego's way of clinging to expectations around how things should feel. It's almost guaranteed to backfire and send disappointment swooping in.

Here's the thing, you don't need to abandon who you are to feel the sign of surprise. Just loosen your grip a little on those "I am" statements and see how that serves you. I went from proudly claiming that I am a planner, to saying I enjoy planning in advance. Huge difference in intention and energy there! I'm still the one who schedules our vacations and most of our outings but I have zero expectations or demands around how I will feel when I'm actually living those experiences. Planning is a logistical task, not an identity.

You may need some deconditioning:
As a former planner and permission-seeker, I've had my fair share of unhelpful beliefs. There comes a point though when you need to pause and ask yourself if the beliefs, values, and attitudes you hold now are the ones you want to have moving forward. Anyone who has ever influenced or taught you anything in your life has done so through their own lens of beliefs. This isn't good or bad, it's just something you need to look at closely and decide which beliefs will support you in living the way you want to live.

A good place to start is to think about something you desire. It could be a long term goal or something in the short term. Consider why you want it and what the path towards getting it looks like. If you find yourself using the word "but" during this process, you've now identified a belief that probably needs to be deconditioned, or unlearned. For example, I want to go on a vacation but there's too much stuff to plan. Or I want to have my own business but I won't be able to keep up the pace needed to succeed. Any words after the "but" are clues about things keeping you from experiencing surprise.

If you need support in this area or you're not sure how to do it, we have an entire section dedicated to deconditioning inside Reflector Essentials, so I encourage you to get in there!

Remember, surprise and disappointment are two really helpful signs that Reflectors can use for guidance in everyday life. No different than when your phone notifies you of an upcoming event, it's just something to be mindful of. There's no need to work towards living in surprise. Stick to using your strategy and authority, and you'll be amazed by how many surprise notifications you start seeing!