What Disappointment Does For Reflectors

The idea that there's one specific feeling when you're being out of alignment is pretty bold. But then again, Human Design is a bold way of understanding who you really are. Each type has a "not-self theme" that acts as a telltale red flag when things aren't lining up with their design. For Reflectors, ours is (womp womp) disappointment. The word itself sounds like such a downer! If it wasn't perfectly on point for what we experience I'd be disappointed that Ra Uru Hu didn't come up with a better feeling for Reflectors.

Ok, kidding aside. When you find out you're a Reflector and have the potential for a dark cloud of disappointment to hang over your head when you step out of alignment it feels a little threatening. But as with everything else in Human Design, there's a good reason for why disappointment shows up for Reflectors. There are also a few things to know so you can use disappointment to course-correct and move into surprise (our theme of alignment).

Attachment Fuels Disappointment

Any time a Reflector holds onto an expectation of how something should play out, this is called attachment. It's essentially a state of trying to control an event or experience in ways that feel safe and satisfying for you. Except when you're a Reflector and your type is designed to fluidly experience each day as it comes, this doesn't really make it possible or ideal for control to come into the picture. You'll see signs of disappointment when someone doesn't respond the way you want them to and most significantly, when YOU don't feel the way you expected to feel. That last one can be a hard pill to swallow.

Have you ever gone to a party and had the best time ever…then tried to recreate that same kind of party just to get a hit of those feelings of fun and excitement? How'd it work out for you? Chances are, not the same as the first time. This goes back to control and trying to manipulate things in a certain way so you'll feel the way you want to. Sorry Reflector, but that's like trying to fight a strong ocean current when everyone knows you're supposed to swim parallel to shore if you want to get back on land.

Be mindful though that attachment isn't the same as intention. If my intention is to host a family reunion, as long as it takes place my intention has been met. If I am upset that only 10 people showed up, that's attachment to an expected outcome. A little nuanced but the difference has a big impact.

Disappointment Isn't An End Point

Disappointment isn't the end of the road, it's a hint at what can come next. I've experienced my fair share of disappointment, especially since discovering Human Design and becoming more aware of this not-self theme. However, when you look more closely at what disappointment symbolizes you'll see it's simply an indicator that you're getting farther away from alignment. You're not meant to just sit in disappointment from that point on. No way! This is where the real breakthroughs happen. It's your chance to reflect on what happened, bring awareness to your own feelings and expectations, and then chart a different path forward.

Missing out on a great job opportunity for example, might be incredibly disappointing. I've been there before. So what happens next? After the initial fog of disappointment dissipates, other opportunities, relationships, and decisions start to emerge. It's almost like the Universe steps in and stuns us Reflectors with disappointment so we stay still for a while until a more aligned route forward becomes clear.

I'm sure there are examples in your own life where you've experienced a missed opportunity and it hurt at first but looking back you can see how it all worked out. Use this hindsight as reassurance the next time you feel disappointed.

You Get To Choose How To Feel

There's no playbook telling Reflectors how they'll feel when disappointment is present. But I like to approach things from a place of curiosity and personal power rather than spiraling into a woe is me emotional pit when disappointment is in my life. This did not come naturally to me and I've been known to sit in a dark mood for days on end in the past. The turning point came when I decided that I get to choose how to feel about whatever takes place in my life, and so do you.

Disappointment is a notification, not a punishment. Yes, it can hit pretty hard and you should allow those feelings to process. At the same time, you're the only one who gets to decide what it means and what you're going to do about it. If you received a notification saying you're on the right track, keep going, you wouldn't stand still and do nothing. You'd go for it! If you choose to see disappointment in the same way, you'll actually be grateful when it shows up because it means you don't need to waste any more time focusing on whatever it was that got you there.

Each part of your Human Design is its own mini journey that you get to explore and experience. Take what feels aligned for you and leave behind what doesn't.