Why Focus & Choice Are A Reflector's Best Tools

The farther into my Human Design journey I get, the more amazed I am by how important choices are and why following our Reflector strategy (waiting a lunar cycle) is the secret to alignment.

Strategy and authority are right there in your chart, however, there seems to be a missing piece to the puzzle.

You can make all the "right" decisions by taking your time and feeling things out but what happens if you're deciding on things that don't actually serve and support you as a Reflector?

If you're feeling less than satisfied with any area of your life, whether it's your health, wealth, relationships, or career, chances are it's because you're focusing on the wrong things. Choosing what to focus on is a decision in and of itself but I also view it more like a lens through which to make decisions in the first place. And it's something that sits a little bit outside of Human Design but is definitely worth considering.

We all have a story of where we came from and who we are, and we've been conditioned by lots of people along the way. So it should come as no surprise that sometimes we fall back into focusing on unsupportive aspects when we're dealing with a challenge or trying to make an improvement in our lives.

Here's an example. Recently I picked up a cold that just I just couldn't shake, and though it wasn't severe it was affecting my sleep big time. I also happened to be away on vacation with this cold, so I thought I'd work my Reflector magic and chose to have a good time despite feeling under the weather. In theory my decision was supportive but I could tell there was something off, since I didn't feel right about it.

My focus on having this pesky cold- but trying to make the best of it- still put unnecessary attention on being unwell. That's when I realized that all the amazing decisions and aligned choices mean nothing if I'm not focusing on the right things.

For Reflectors, waiting for the answers to reveal themselves is our strategy. So you have a couple of options when you're waiting. You can sit there, day after day, anticipating some answer to pop into your life. You can obsess about why things are taking so long. Or, you can choose to focus your attention on how your body feels throughout your waiting time. Which one do you think is the more aligned approach? Yep, focusing on the feelings throughout the lunar cycle or however long you choose to wait.

So many Reflectors tell me they've tried waiting but they never get the answers and feel no farther ahead than when they started. My question back to them is usually, "What were you focusing on during that time?", and this is where the truth really comes out.

Sometimes when things feel tough in our lives it can be comforting to fall back into a pattern of asking "Why is this happening to me?" or running through negative thoughts about the situation. But when you're determined to find a solution and make forward progress, staying in a state of blame, misery, or why me will only set you back.

The secret here is to feel your feelings as deeply as you experience them but try something different when they show up. Instead of creating a disempowering story (I feel pissed off because I'll never have what I want), shifting your focus to open up a new set of possibilities is the best way to make progress.

Here are a few empowering shifts you can explore:

Identify the Desired Outcome

Emotions and feelings come and go, and I bet we've all been caught up in them for longer than we needed to be at some point in our lives. I would never suggest rushing through an emotional wave, so make sure to let those feelings come and go as they need to. Where you can really take back your power is by considering what your desired outcome is in the situation. If you're creating a new business and hit a roadblock, the story you might tell yourself is that this is too hard and you'll never be able to have a successful business on your own. Not very empowering, is it?

 
So how about taking the emotion out of it just for a second to identify what you want the outcome of the situation to be. In this example, the desired outcome is to have a profitable business, not beating yourself up for skills you might not yet have.
When you know the outcome you can better assess what's needed to move forward, and that'll change the story you tell yourself really quickly.

Try a Different Question

Instead of "Why don't I ever get what I want?" or even "How can I get what I want when I'm not good at _____?" you'll want to focus on questions that can present a helpful solution while also putting your focus on something productive you can take action on.

When I was asking myself "How can I have a good vacation despite my cold?" it was a question that already had limitations on it. Upon reflection, what I really wanted was a relaxing vacation where I could be present and enjoy the warm weather. So the question then changed to, "What would it look like to be present and aware on this vacation?". That one really got me to shift my focus! I started noticing the sunshine and how the warm rays felt on my skin, what the ocean smelled like, and how fun it was to walk around barefoot. Suddenly the entire vacation vibe changed.

What Would Someone Else Do?

The third shift is designed to get you thinking outside of the box, literally. Considering what someone else would do in that situation and what they'd choose to focus on will widen your view of the circumstances. The key here is to put yourself in someone else's shoes but make sure that person is a positive representation of what you desire. You wouldn't consider what Ebenezer Scrooge would do if you want to experience a joyful Christmas with your family.

I like to imagine what my role models might do, even though I really can't be sure. Sometimes just the creativity of focusing in a new way is enough to shake things up.

Increase Your Awareness

With our conditioning it's natural to fall back into solution we're familiar with, and it's ok if this is your starting point. When you practice being aware and in the moment, it will make it easier to see when this happens so you can pivot earlier for a better result.

 
Before Human Design, an argument with a loved one would put me in a foul mood for days. Seriously. It was rough and coming out of it always felt painful and slow. Picking up on some of my conditioned tactics showed me where I was getting caught up so I could adjust my focus and get on a more supportive path forward. At first I would simply be aware of how I was acting (FYI, childish) and not be able to change much about it but the more present I got, the more I wanted to improve my behaviour, which then changed my feelings.

Two of my favourite questions are "What does it mean?" and "What am I going to do about it?". You can ask yourself these questions in just about any situation and you'll start to see the stories you've formulated. With the added lens of focusing on the right things, these questions become majorly empowering tools to help you make changes and figure things out. Not just in your Human Design journey but also when it comes to creating lasting relationships with others.

I encourage you to tune into where your focus has been recently and see whether it's been helpful or not. There's no such thing as perfect but you'll be amazed at how much better life gets with even a bit of progress.