Being Seen & Heard As A Reflector: Part Two

Welcome back to Part Two of this series. If you haven't read Part One, you can scoot over and read it now by clicking here.

As I described in Part One, the reason Reflectors often struggle to be seen and heard is because of an interesting trifecta: openness, a sampling aura, and being super rare.

In this post I'll focus more on approaches to shining as a Reflector, however it's probably not what you're expecting.

 
Sure, I could find some gimmicky tactics that'll help showcase all your Reflector glory. Those might work in the short term but for long-term feelings of fulfilment and our signature sign of alignment (which is "surprise", btw) we need to think outside of the box.

Afterall, why should the most unique unicorn (that's you!) be forced to fit themselves into a box in the first place?

The key to feeling seen, heard, and understood as a Reflector lies in a journey with four pillars, and I'll explain each of these below.

Mindfulness

Have you ever had the experience of driving all the way home from work or a friend's house, only to wonder how the heck you got there? You went through the motions of driving and got home safely but can't remember a single thing about the actual drive. This is called being on autopilot and it is super helpful for saving brain power by letting routine things happen without us needing to really think about them. That's all good except when you find yourself going along with everyone else's priorities, to the point where you look around and go "How did I even get here?". It might look like staying in a relationship too long, going down a career path that a parent nudged you into, or making unhealthy lifestyle choices.

Either way, getting lost in someone else's dream life is no way to thrive. So, how often have you stopped to check in on your life areas to see whose life you're living? You don't even need to spend a lot of time on this. Just take a look around and notice your family life, friend circle, career or business, health and wellbeing, and finances. Did you get to your current state on purpose or was the journey a little fuzzy?

It wasn't until I started my first job out of university that I realized I had nothing to do with my own career choice. Yep, even with a Bachelor's degree and a Master's degree under my belt I couldn't pinpoint why I'd ended up working in government. To make matters even worse, I'd spend the next 15 years bouncing around in different roles trying to find a taste of fulfilment but feeling confined to my sector. All because my parents told me to get a high level education and lock down a nice secure job in government. I'd mindlessly wandered down the career path they wanted for me without the awareness of what would bring out the best of my talents and abilities. Sigh!

If you find yourself realizing that one or many of your life areas are out of alignment with the true you, that's actually a good thing! Mindfulness around what you desire is one of the best kept secrets for Reflectors who want to feel more fulfilment, so keep on noticing.

Having, not Being

Reflectors are often called chameleons or shape-shifters because we're pretty amazing at morphing into whoever we need to be in a given moment. The problem comes when we try to cling to and identify with these experiences, since it doesn't actually give us the fulfilment we think it will. The only reason for identifying with something and clinging to the label is because there's a little voice in our head that whispers, "THIS is who you really are." It can feel intense and 100% like truth when you're in the moment, and maybe that voice also convinces you that you've finally found the thing that'll lead you towards your highest self. But without fail a sinking feeling starts creeping in. Then comes the wave of disappointment.

Reflectors are meant to have tons of different experiences throughout life, constantly reflecting those around us by sampling their auras. We're meant to have the experience and then let it go so we can do the same thing in lots of different situations. Holding onto anything for too long simply keeps you from helping others because you're already "full" of identity and not keeping yourself open to experiencing new things.

This is probably one of the hardest concepts to understand and implement because we FEEL so intensely. How could those feelings not lead us to believe that we've found our calling?! It seems a bit unfair, doesn't it. Any other type that comes across this feeling would probably be correct in thinking they've found their passion. But not us.

 
This intense disappointment is as familiar to me as a long-time friend. Holding onto an identity is the quickest path to feeling like a fraud.

It's not lost on me that our entire world thrives on pinpointing distinct identities. It helps us understand one another and can feel super unsettling not to have something to complete the "I am…" statement. What if you could give yourself permission to loosen those identity statements so they're not so strangling and disappointing. What if instead of claiming "I AM a doctor", you instead try on a statement like "I'm working as a physician at the hospital".

 
I realize these differences seem insignificant but when you try on statements of truth that don't lock you in for eternity, you might find things feeling a little lighter.

Attachment

This one goes hand in hand with the previous pillar because it ties into hanging onto things. The only difference is that it's less about who you are and more about things like goals, dreams, and interests.
Have you ever set a New Year's resolution on December 31st but found yourself scratching your head on January 7th, wondering why that was even important a week ago?

Let me be very clear. Reflectors can and do succeed at achieving goals, so there's nothing wrong with having them. What I've noticed is many Reflectors hanging onto goals they no longer want, just because they feel like they have to see it through. Whether it's something small like losing interest on the latest novel you picked up, or regretting making the investment in a year-long gym membership, don't beat yourself up. Goals stir up a lot of excitement and interest in new things. A double-whammy for Reflectors.

There's so much pressure to stick with our choices it's no wonder we feel bad for wanting to let go of the latest interest after we've had our fill of it. Every choice we make to explore something new or see things in a new light is an experience you were meant to have. And when that wave of interest floats away, it's ok to let it go. Clinging for dear life just because it's something you feel guilty for not seeing through to completion is a waste of your precious energy and will weigh heavily on your soul.

There are jobs I've had that I felt obligated to stick with for years but couldn't deny that it had run its course for me, and had to move onto something else 18 months later. Every time I've listened to that little voice that asked me "What's next?" I've found a great opportunity that otherwise wouldn't have come around. The times I've ignored the voice? Ugh. Those were painful and caused conflict with colleagues that could've easily been avoided.

 
The whole point of goals and dreams is to move closer to joy and fulfillment. When things start feeling wrong, it's probably because you've become too attached and need to reconsider if it's still the right fit for you.

Strategy & Authority

The final pillar on this journey towards being seen and heard as a Reflector is without question the most important. Our strategy for decision making is to wait a lunar cycle (28 days), which can feel like eternity given how fast the world moves these days. But, when you think about how many decisions you make each and every day, you start to notice that they build on one another and compound.

Have you ever noticed that on busy days your decisions, even to simple things like what to have for lunch, feel rushed as well? It might even lead to you making food choices you otherwise wouldn't, just to get the decision out of the way. I can't tell you the number of times I've said, "Sure, I'll just have what you're having for lunch" and then been terribly disappointed that I didn't take a few precious moments to think things through.

You see, Reflectors make decisions slowly (duh, 28 days) but not all decisions need that amount of time or feeling into the various options. The trick is to know which ones are your "go with the flow" type of decisions that let you experience new things like a Reflector is supposed to, and which are the "big change" decisions you'll need significant time to feel through before you get clarity.

When you've got your decision making method down to an art, you will see more of your true self and so will everyone around you. You'll become more aware of yourself in every situation and find it easier to release attachment to experiences. It's like letting out a big relaxing exhale when you have the space and freedom to explore options and try on different scenarios before settling on a decision that works for you…without feeling pressure from the outside world.

I want to share something exciting that's coming up soon but before I do, I have a question for you:

Do you truly want to be seen and heard as the brilliant Reflector you are?

You see, showing the world who you really are takes bravery, vulnerability, and a certain umm…attitude. In my experience when a Reflector wishes to be "seen and heard" they usually means one of two things:

1. They want everyone to fully understand them 100% of the time without having to set boundaries or ruffle feathers; or,
2. They really have a deep desire to finally live as their truest Reflector self.

Only you can decide which one is your answer.

For those Reflectors who know deep down that they're here for a purpose and want to have a life of fulfilment, I have something special coming up that I think you're going to love.

Since we Reflectors make decisions slowly, the only decision you need to make right now is saying YES to being curious. You'll hear more in the next little while and will have lots of space for any additional decisions.

Click below!